it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you would pick up someone in the library
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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