Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
