Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
