So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
