The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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