gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
