So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
