he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
