My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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