is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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