He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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