1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
