Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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