I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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