I heard we made out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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