I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
