4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
