we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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