guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
