I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
