Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
