i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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