This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
