Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
