I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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