I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
