I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
