Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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