Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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