I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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