Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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