mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
