Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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