My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
