I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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