Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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