I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have feelings that need drinking.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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