That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
