Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
