Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
