there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
