weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
