Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
