Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
