It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
