May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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