uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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