Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
