i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
