Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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