that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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