so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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