I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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