Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
