My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
