some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jerry, you need to find god
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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