dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
