This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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