he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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