just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My vagina is officially offended.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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