you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize