I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
